the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
