So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it because I queefed?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
