Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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