Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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