I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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