I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
