I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
zippers are such a cool invention
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
