if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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