It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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