Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
