Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
