just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
