You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
