Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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