Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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