the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
