please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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