Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
