If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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