at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
