i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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