Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
