you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
