PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
