Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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