i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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