I love black thongs
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
