She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
