we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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