Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize