Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
