The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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