Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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