My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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