I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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