The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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