it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
