On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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