I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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