I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
