Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is my gift to your gina
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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