Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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