just survived the first fart of the relationship.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
