my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
