is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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