Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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