He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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