sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
