WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
