I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
