I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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