This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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