No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
