This is not my ceiling
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
