I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
