"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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