Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
