Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
