How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
