shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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