I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is the high leading the old right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
