Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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