Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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