Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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